bleh x2
I wrote a post and the website ate it when I tried to publish it. How annoying!
I’ve been feeling blah lately, and I don’t know why. I’ve been blaming being sick, or it being October (which is a hard month for me because of a past event), but I’m not sure either is why, or at least the whole reason. I’ve felt really boring and unsexy, even though I’ve lost some chub (which halloween has kind of started to ruin, damn you my favorite holiday! 
). I kind of wonder if I’m just getting used to J having a job again, and I feel down because he’s not around here to spend time with me nearly as much.
He’s been working saturdays since he got out of training, which he doesn’t like, and it’s not his fault at all. Besides, I sometimes think that the extra time to myself is a good thing, so I can do stuff I feel like or need to do without feeling guilty for ignoring him.
Sometimes I’m baaarely awake when he’s getting ready to leave for work in the mornings. A couple times he’s been sitting on or next to the bed (we’re in a studio right now) while doing somethingoranother, and he’ll have his hand on me, or he’ll brush my face/hair with his hand. I love things like that, and it should tell me beyond any doubt that he loves me and cares, but I can’t help but shake this feeling of being unattractive or boring to him. I wish I knew why.
I should really just kick myself in the ass and appreciate just what I have. I’m a lucky woman.